Friday, December 31, 2010

This is my personal journey with ADD

There are numerous misconceptions about it. Does it even exist? Yes, it does. I know because I have it. When I was younger I had trouble in school, I didn’t know it at the time but I was absolutely unable to focus. I thought that I just wasn’t trying. But it was so much more than that. I got tested for ADD and they said that I definitely had it. I was so ashamed though. At my elementary school they have this program for children with learning disabilities, sometimes they get longer periods of time to write tests/quizzes, if the class is studying a novel the kids with learning disabilities will get books with bigger font, etc. I did NOT want to be identified with ADD because then I would have to be in that program, and then everyone would think I was so stupid. My mom begged and pleaded that I get identified, she didn’t want me to struggle anymore. But I told her absolutely not. So I almost failed grade 8.

Then I went to high school, and did pretty bad in grade 9 and 10. Through the whole time I was visiting my psychiatrist. He doesn’t prescribe people meds easily. He knew I had ADD, anxiety disorder, and depression for years before he prescribed me anything. So like half way through grade 10 I was about to have a nervous breakdown because I was in Academic math and it was sooo hard, I was struggling terribly. To make it worse, I was also going to a tutor twice a week. WIthout my tutor I would have never passed. But anywayy, I was about to have a nervous breakdown because I was under so much stress with school. I went to my psychiatrist appointment like usual and I told him how much I was struggling and everything, I had no idea it was linked to the ADD, I just thought I was stupid. I wasn’t telling him this so he would give me meds, I was just genuinely letting it all out. He prescribed me adderall, the lowest dose. At first I was so stubborn to take it, I was convinced that ADD wasn’t even real, I didn’t want to take the easy way out. I thought that only stupid people made up ADD as a shield. But I took them anyway. Things started changing after like a month, I could actually focus! It was sooooo weird. I had never actually realized how bad it really was! Then I went on a higher dosage, and omg I was a new person. I could actually carry a thought! I was actually able to pay attention in class! It was all so new to me. That semester I was honor roll with high 80’s and low 90’s, all in academic classes. So I went from 50’s and low 60’s in grades 9 and half of grade ten, but then honor roll the other half of grade 10 and all of grade 11. I was so proud of myself, I was working so hard. I was spending hours on my homework, because for the first time in my life I could actually focus. I would come home from school and work on my homework until bed, not even having a break for dinner.

I really am so thankful that someone invented this medication, and saved me. Where would I be if I didn’t have it? I have no idea. I totally changed my life too. It made me so much more motivated and realize I have so much potential. I also lost 25 lbs. I weighed 130 lbs at the beginning of grade 10, and then I dropped to 105 lbs! I had always had a problem with my weight, because I was unable to focus, I was always bored and I would just eat and eat and eat. Now that I can focus, I only eat when I am actually hungry. Now I’m actually a normal person.

So I just wanted to share my story, because I always judged people with ADD as stupid, or pathetic, or whatever. But thats the farthest thing that I am. ADD is actually real, its not just made up. Trust me.

If you read this whole thing, thank you so much. It means so much to me and all of the other people in the world with ADD.

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